| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2005|03:44 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | quiet | ] |
The Wayfarer
by Stephen Crane
The Wayfarer,
Perceiving the path to truth,
Was struck with astonishment.
It was thickly grown with weeds.
"Ha," he said,
"I see that none has passed here in a long time."
Later he saw that each weed was a singular knife.
"Well," he mumbled at last,
"Doubtless there are other roads." |
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| Carbon Dioxide |
[Oct. 12th, 2004|05:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ambivalent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Technobabble | ] |
Aldous Huxley on Yogic Breathing Exercises.
"Practised systematically, these exercises result, after a time, in prolonged suspensions of breath. Long suspensions of breath lead to a high concentration of carbon dioxide in the lungs and blood, and this increase in the concentration of CO2 lowers the efficiency of the brain as a reducing valve and permits the entry into consciousness of experiences, visionary or mystical, from 'out there'...
Unless the are highly trained, singers tend to breathe out more than they breathe in. Consequently the concentration of carbon dioxide in the alveolar air and the blood is increased and, the efficiency of the cerebral reducing valve being lowered, visionary experience becomes possible. Hence the interminable 'vain repetitions' of magic and religion. The chanting of the curandero, the medicine-man, the shaman; the endless psalm-singing and sutra-intoning of Christian and Buddhist monks; the shouting and howling, hour after hour, of revivalists - under all the diversities of theological belief and aesthetic convention, the psycho-chemico-physiological intention remains constant. To increase the concentration of CO2 in the lungs and blood and so to lower the efficiency of the cerebral reducing valve, until it will admit biologically useless material from Mind-at-Large - this, though the shouters, singers and mutterers did not know it, has been at all times the real purpose and point of magic spells, of mantrams, litanies, psalms and sutras. 'The heart,' said Pascal, 'has its reasons.' Still more cogent and much harder to unravel are the reasons of the lungs, the blood and the enzymes, of neurones and synapses. The way to the superconscious is through the subconscious, and the way, or at least one of the ways, to the subconscious is through the chemistry of individual cells."
Note: Biologically useless material is admitted to and from the brain denotes a spiritual or sub-conscious experience to the practitioner. Some would propose that all higher functions (those that separate man from beast) are biologically useless in their function, if not their root. While values such as honesty and charity may be rooted in sociological survival, carrying them out to their extremes by nature of their moral value is often contrary to best-practices for survival, thus, bilogically useless. There is then a possible, if flimsy at current, correllation between limiting brain function exploring sophisticated and cognitive behavior.
For later thought: the wolf chews it's own leg off to escape a trap, thus damning it for future hunting trips. The human knows that pavlovian response to pain must be supressed in order to insure long-term survival. Where a human will willingly undergo surgery, an animal will not. In this, Biologically "useless" functions insure a longer life-cycle, thus making them significantly beneficial to the biological form.
Non-sequitor: effect on evolution? |
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| Note to self |
[Jul. 14th, 2004|07:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Modest Mouse - Float On | ] |
The scarab was a vehicle for her kundalini/humonculous/it, but arrived far too small for a cat to ride.
It then jumped into poisoned waters and rode man-made currents, symbolically fulfilling a self-annihilation impulse when it's purpose was done. Whether this self destruction was due to regret for it's inadequate size or a sense of accomplishment is as inconsequential as it is poignant.
The scarab then proceeded to survive. It's shell bleached by chlorine, it staggered to the door, and hissed at her fingers. The scarab was attached to it's work, and reacted negatively when purpose was in the past. For this, I thought to kill it for draining me, and for the first time in days, it disappeared.
It left when I became attached to it, rightly so.
I am detached, but not inactive. Since I have taken this stance, not a day has passed without a curious, unidentified benign insect attaching itself to my me. furthermore, I know now where the ticks came from. It couldn't be birds or cats or even fish, but it had to be insects, creatures of the dirt with synapses and structures far from human association, and survival instincts that are communal only. I think I can learn to love the creatures of the dirt.
Update note: perhaps an insect like nature would explain why my energy, so loving and beneficial in my eyes can prove anathema to the vast majority of people. Insects are universally reviled, and even those who are fond of bugs are uncomfortable when they come in large sizes or swarms. |
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| Synchronized Dreaming in the Psychonautic Olympics |
[Jul. 14th, 2004|06:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Killers - Somebody Told Me... | ] |
Last night ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) mothfairy and I dreamed in complimentary parts. She dreamed in rhythm, I dreamed in timing. Hers was a harried escape from sheet music, desperately scrambling to get to the end of a piece of music in order to progress in a rhythm more consistent with a future not dictated by fate.
My dream used her as a permeable character model for a maze of people from my past who I had denied emotion towards when it was clear that they wanted my love. I had to express a genuine affection to each of these faces from my past, all in a determined order, so I could escape into the present and take time on my own terms.
While on the subject, mothfairy does this world justice in the field of internal beauty, grace and complexity. She opens up to me without question despite my secretive nature and lack of expressive reciprocation. She doesn't bat an eye when I tell her I might have to dispose of my association with her, as well as my appreciation for her to protect a friend who is higher on my admittedly Machiavellian priority list.
None of this compares of course, to being made part of a rapid fire metamorphosis so complete and overdue that stars would explode were they to expel and absorb such vast quantities of energy. |
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| wires |
[Jul. 14th, 2004|05:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Cathartic Come-Down | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dramarama - Anything | ] |
I felt a wire that was jammed into my skull while in between consciousnesses. It had been there for a while but I became aware of it while my legs were crossed and the sun was filtering through a wood screen like an ultraviolet confessional. Who did this wire belong to? Who was responsible for this connection?
it turns out it's a data-feed for people in general, and in metacreeper's absence I had no such connection with anyone. It seems I developed one unconsciously, leaving an all-access conduit for anyone in need, my mind being the validation-whore that it is.
This has caused some odd drains on my psyche, some pent up emotions which were absorbed and not properly purged, and comes with lessons for Karma-Yoga. I've worked very hard on some cancerian conflicts and awakenings, and strove to take no pride in such work. Removing pride in goals and working without attachment is new, and my first failure was spectacular. I doubt anyone saw much of my disconnected desire for gratitude, but dirty deeds done in the dark are not made clean by their anonymity. |
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| On Astral Projection |
[Jul. 6th, 2004|07:25 pm] |
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| | detached | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Goldfrapp - Black Cherry | ] |
An attempt at projecting outside my body while meditating at Vespers was intense, invigorating, and unsuccesful. I don't feel dissappointed.
There's some very strong adhesive tying me to myself that I doubt can be reconciled by emotional metaphor. That's the difficulty with an Jnanni path. Mental gymnastics and navel-contemplation, while effective in un-learning your own limitations, often comes at the expense of intuition.
/digression>
Exiting the physical form, or simply "moving", required a pulling, or drawing out. It was like pulling a piece of scotch tape that has gotten stuck in it's ream. You think you're making progress, but you may just be stretching the tape. |
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| Notes on Dualism |
[Jul. 6th, 2004|07:23 pm] |
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| | rushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Hooverphonic - Plus Profound | ] |
Language creates dualism by separating everything into its smallest observable parts, labeling it with a word. This process creates the illusion that everything in the universe is a seperate thing and not as a continuous entity; this prevents the discursive mind from seeing the universe as whole. Even mind, body, spirit and emotions are disjoined; telling us that we are separate from reality, and from the rest of humanity.
Consider these problematic distinctions. Male vs. female, heterosexuality vs. homosexuality. These distinctions are inherent in the syntax of our language that forms our entire discursive process. Everything is ranked in order of importance and nothing can hold the same slot of importance. Dualism forces a hierarchical structure upon our thoughts and subsequently on the way we structure society.
The unlearning of delusions created by language is the practice of non-dualism. When dualism is dismantled, one may experience unity with reality. One of the first errors of dualism is the delusion of the homonculus. A homonculus is like a little mini-you that is supposedly inside you, like a vaporous soul object seperate from you. People say I have a soul, I have a spirit. Well if you have a soul who is you and what does you have? It seperates the person into 2 parts, the self and the other self or homonculus, then we stop seeing ourselves as one intergrated whole. You don't have a soul, you are a soul. And, everything is one so your soul is none other then the entire universe. the experience of god is the experience of your infinite nature. Non-dualism says God is not apart from the world, and not seperate from you, heaven is not a place but a quality of relationship with reality.
Non-dualism can show the interrelation of all things in the universe. An intergrated person is able to realize the sameness of mind, body, emotions and spirit. This brings the reality of a divine presence within reach and out of the unhealthy realm of metaphysical speculation.
Holiness then is replaced with as wholiness; an integration and synthesis between mind experience and body experience - these are not two different things. When dualism is dismantled, one may experience unity with God and with others. When a person realizes that mind and body are one, a synthesis occurs and a person can begin taking steps to wholeness. |
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| Karma notes, future reference |
[Jun. 22nd, 2004|08:27 pm] |
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| | contemplative | ] |
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| | Hooverphonic - Smokie | ] |
Subtract 'this life', 'next life' and 'boomerang'. Every wish,
intention, action, or choice that affects another must be created in you, or passed through you. If you are affecting another being through 'this' (brahman) you are affecting what you see in that person, and when you look at a person you can only see your creation/perception/judgement, not the reality that is them.
In this when you direct a thought/feeling/action/manifestation toward a person you bring it through yourself (?) and upon the 'yourself' that is in them. The reality of them only feels the residue of your manifestation, while you bear the brunt.
Why do some seemingly "get away with it"? the degrees of separation within them are deeper, by their self-focused belief. The effects of Karma on them are not "waiting' for another life to strike, but have simply struck them in ways farther separated from our understanding than we are accustomed to. (this separation may manifest as a 4th dimensional/time-based construct, but it's unnecessarily linear to think of time as the only measure. It's not "when" Karma takes effect, but "how". |
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| The Holographic Universe and Vedanta |
[Jun. 11th, 2004|04:19 pm] |
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| | enthralled | ] |
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| | Tricky - Bury the evidence | ] |
Maya (what we see, feel, know happened, know will happen)is
the veil that covers our real nature and the real nature of the world around us.
Maya is fundamentally inscrutable: we don't know why it exists and we don't know
when it began. What we do know is that, like any form of ignorance, maya ceases
to exist at the dawn of knowledge, the knowledge of our own divine nature.
Brahman is the real truth of our existence: in Brahman we live, move, and have
our being. "All this is indeed Brahman," the Upanishads declare. The changing
world that we see around us can be compared to the moving images on a movie
screen: without the unchanging screen in the background, there can be no movie.
Similarly, it is the unchanging Brahman-the substratum of existence-in the
background of this changing world that gives the world its reality.
Yet for us this reality is conditioned, like a warped mirror, by time, space,
and causality-the law of cause and effect. Our vision of reality is further
obscured by wrong identification: we identify ourselves with the body, mind, and
ego rather than the Atman, the divine Self.
This original misperception creates more ignorance and pain in a domino effect:
identifying ourselves with the body and mind, we fear disease, old age and
death; identifying ourselves with the ego, we suffer from anger, hatred, and a
hundred other miseries. Yet none of this affects our real nature, the Atman." |
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| Kid stuff |
[Jun. 10th, 2004|04:45 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Disjecta - Tiny Elements | ] |
When I was very young (like, age 4) I took things very literally. People would ask me "Are you sure?" as in "are you sure you don't want to eat that?" "are you sure you want to stick that in the electrical socket?".
After being told what the word 'sure' meant, I decided that I would never be sure. Whenever someone would ask "Are you sure?" I would say "no". According to my Dad, we had this conversation and many others like it.:
Dad: "How do you spell cat?"
Me: "C-A-T."
Dad: "Are you sure?"
Me: "no."
Dad: "...then how do you spell cat?"
Me: "C-A-T."
Dad: "...but I thought you weren't sure it was C-A-T."
Me: "yes."
To this day I'm very proud of my toddler logic. for the sake of conversation-flow, I've learned to answer "yes" to someone when they ask if I'm sure. I still have this deep-seated belief that I can't truly be sure of anything. Somehow, I'm comforted by it, even if it gives me a hampering indecisive streak. The belief developed into a sort of theory.
Life is far too weird to take seriously, but far too beautiful to take for granted. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 8th, 2004|03:37 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | nostalgic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Four Tet - And they all look Broken Hearted | ] |
"...In this light, Beauty is not in the soul or object or star, but in the explosion, where it can be felt at it's peak. Complete expression"
"...Burns are the result of explosions or components of explosions. Burns mark the passage of Beauty, and as the scars they leave are the result of explosions, I think they can hold or magnify actions (powers?) that the Burns represent. Burns are tools, photo albums and religious idols, depending on your interpretation."
Livejournal is useful. I wrote the above 6 months ago, and someone who kept the drug-fueled ramblings that I scrawled in her notebook, and posted it as a comment to another post I made 4 months ago. Looking through the archives, I find words to remember, and to compare to my current thinking.
Some things haven't changed. |
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| Holes |
[Jun. 4th, 2004|02:01 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Soul Coughing - Janine | ] |
Today there is a hole in my soul that I put there two days ago. The loneliness is something special, and not to be forgotten. It's like letting go of trust without having been betrayed.
To add to this, I've never felt so strongly the need to show affection. I feel, at random points throughout the day, like stripping my skin to ribbons in hopes that all of the things that I want to express will bleed out onto the world. Even those things that are unformed, pre-natal, and devoid of a concept to give them structure want to be free and outside.
Rewind - I've realized that my affection (physical, emotional, etc) is the most elite level of my expression and my being. I'm the one who freezes up when touched, the one who hugs like a clumsy creature not wanting to break what it's embracing. Affection to a stranger is unheard of, unless I've prepared. Ecstacy is my drug of choice, for I can freely dispense affection to the world when under it's effects.
But what about repressing the most special expression? What does that do now, when someone's worthy of affection, and I should repress it? It lights up the need for expression, and for once I feel the need for an outlet. Time to learn where to direct that shit. |
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| Quote for the quota |
[Jun. 3rd, 2004|12:03 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | complacent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Felix tha Housecat - Runaway Dreamer | ] |
"Every day we slaughter our finest impulses. That is why we get a heartache when we read those lines written by the hand of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots which we stifled because we lacked the faith to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty. Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes deperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths. We all derive from the same source. there is no mystery about the origin of things. We are all part of creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, only to discover what is already there."
-Henry Miller |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2004|07:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | giddy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | David Byrne - Supermodel | ] |
I went to Court in Ventura yesterday. They have a very thorough security check that you have to pass through to get into the courthouse. This security check involves metal detectors, a check of bags and pockets, and a pat down. I had to remove my belt and shoes, and my steel-toe boots were apparently a problem.
I collected my belongings from a tray after they'd passed through the X-Ray machine, and the man who'd entered before me was having his key-chain swiss army knife confiscated.
While this hassle was going on, I picked a couple of my crystals out of the tray, and had this overwhelming feeling of mischeviousness. It was that "I just got away with murder" feeling. I mean, really, they let me in with my crystals, no questions asked.
I guess power really is what you make of it. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2004|03:43 am] |
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There are no rules. Only rhythms. Rules go against the constant that is change. |
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